Homes for the Holidays

As we approach the end of a calendar year, it’s customary to reflect on the passage of time and think about how we’ve grown over the last twelve months. We look back on what we were doing around this time last year so we can compare our present selves to our past selves and assess the extent to which our circumstances have evolved. Which friends were we hanging out with back then? What musical artists were at the top of our Spotify Wrapped list? Which City Council members were we threatening to spank at a public hearing about zoning reforms? When we examine our lives through this retrospective lens, it can feel like we’ve traveled a long way since 2023—or, if not much has changed, like we’ve covered no distance at all.

We still haven’t moved on from the spanking (and probably never will).

It may be hard to believe, given the warped and distorted nature of temporality in America’s pre-post-democracy flop era, but it’s been a full year since City Council voted to approve Zoning for Housing. Three hundred sixty-five days (give or take), dozens of letters to the editor, and one logically and typographically challenged lawsuit later, we thought now might be an opportune moment to check in on the impact of those policy changes on the Alexandria housing landscape, take stock of how far we’ve come, and chart how far we still have to go.

As all you sick fucks our loyal readers know, Zoning for Housing was a package of reforms aimed at increasing local housing supply. For purposes of this discussion we’re going to focus on one of those reforms—the elimination of single-family-only zoning—mainly because smaller-scale residential development can respond quickly to regulatory changes, allowing us to evaluate progress after a year. (The other components of ZFH were either intended to support larger, longer-term projects or not meant to increase the pace of development at all.) Now that this restriction has been lifted, we wanted to know how many multifamily developments have gotten underway in Alexandria’s former single-family-only zones, so we asked the Planning and Zoning Department. The answer is… one. One!!! Now, to be clear, “one” can be a good answer to certain questions, like “how many people are you legally married to right now,” or “what’s the cheesiest U2 song,” or “how many slices of Benny’s can a person eat in one sitting without scaring the other people in the restaurant.” [Editor’s note: that is… not my experience]. It very much goes without saying that ONE(!!) is not, however, a satisfying answer to this particular query.

Un! Ein! [firing up google translate because we’re out of languages] один!!!

There are a couple possible reasons that could explain why we’ve ended up here. One is that the legal challenge filed by the Coalition for a Livable* Alexandria (*offer valid only if you’re on a first-name basis with the waiters at Table Talk) may have had a chilling effect—developers are hesitant to invest in projects that might not be allowed to proceed if a judge changes the rules. But Arlington has seen a lot more multifamily construction activity under its own recent zoning reforms despite the fact that they’re also being litigated (by the same judge!), so this factor doesn’t seem wholly responsible for what we’re experiencing here.

Of course, one important difference between us and Arlington—other than our superior Bluesky presence and proximity to George Washington’s house—is that its reforms went farther than ours did in certain ways. When Arlington got rid of single-family-only zones, it allowed bigger multifamily structures to be built there, while we limited new multifamily buildings to the physical parameters of a single-family home. When the Zoning for Housing proposal was released last year, this element received some criticism (including from us) for serving up a sippy cup of weak sauce. Because of these restrictions, the city projected that the change would yield only about 150 new units on 66 parcels over ten years, a figure that is the numeric embodiment of the *womp womp* sad trombone sound. And yet based on where we are today, we’ll be lucky if we even hit that target.

Except about floor area ratio instead of chaos theory.

This lack of progress is concerning because the problem we’re trying to solve has only gotten worse since the passage of Zoning for Housing. In an October webinar on local eviction data, city staff noted that average rent in Alexandria, like our anxiety levels, has increased 7-9% since last year. Similarly, various whimsically-named real estate websites like Dwella, Movoto, and Brickify report that median ALX home sale prices are up about 7% since the fall of 2023 [Editor’s note: while that stat is real only one of those websites is, but we’re not telling you which]. Meanwhile, Mayor Scrolls-a-Lot cross-posted some information on 17 different social media sites this week showing that the median age of homebuyers is increasing and so is the percentage of all-cash home sales. These trends are making it harder for Alexandria to be a place that’s welcoming and accessible to all kinds of people, and to achieve our regional climate goals.

Our housing situation is a crisis, and we shouldn't govern like it isn’t. Adopting policies that are overly cautious, like we did with the single-family-only zoning change, puts us in an undesirable spot where we haven’t gotten the results we said we wanted, yet we’ve nonetheless invigorated opponents of progress. We spent a fuck-ton of political capital to barely move the needle. The city got sued anyway, just like it would have if we’d taken a bigger step forward. Angry, exclusionary rhetoric continued to get tossed around during the local general election campaign. So what was the benefit of holding back, exactly?

To be clear, we supported Zoning for Housing last year and we still do! And we are absolutely not against incrementalism as a general principle. You can’t solve complex problems with one stroke of the legislating pen. But what you’re doing isn’t incrementalism if the increment is so tiny it doesn’t meaningfully chip away at your problem. And yes, of course there are risks associated with taking bigger swings: you could engender more intense backlash, including possible electoral defeat for the leaders who supported taking action. But in this case, all available evidence points to broad support for more ambitious housing policy. Pro-housing candidates have won in Arlington after Missing Middle, and our most vocally pro-housing Councilmember won the most votes in last month’s election. The people yearn for the urbanist agenda!

We’re never not finding a way to make it about pizza.

So let’s stop dicking around and start acting with the boldness our circumstances demand. Let’s channel some Big Civic Energy and go balls to the wall (an expression we always thought was sexual but is actually about airplanes). Let’s approach policymaking with the fearlessness of a South Korean opposition leader climbing a goddamn wall to end an attempted coup, and with the audacity of our president-elect [Editor’s note: still hurts to type that] attempting to resolve a trade dispute by annexing Shirlington Canada. Are we saying that turning a four-million-square-mile Arctic wasteland into the 51st state is a good idea? Probably not, even though Justin Trudeau would immediately become our hottest governor. Sorry Gavin Newsom! But it’s certainly a big idea, and we need to stop being afraid of those.

Look, the Curb Appeal Commandos who want to keep Alexandria the bucolic pastoral paradise it was when they moved here in [checks notes] 1985 are going to be mad whether we add a hundred new homes or a thousand. Paring back our aspirations to try to please them is a futile effort that only hurts all of us in the long run. Looking forward, as we engage with the Housing 2040 planning initiative and other legislative opportunities, let’s act with the courage of our convictions and make progress we’ll feel great about when we look back a year from now—and beyond.

Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life

• Our John Wooden-esque run of appearing on top 10 cities lists continues, this time turning up on a Condé Nast ranking of the friendliest cities in America. And while this outcome is not entirely unexpected for a city that features Jesse cheerfully accosting people in every business and public place he walks into, it’s also evident that the makers of this list have never tried to change the paint color of their siding in Old Town.

• A new indoor training facility for baseball and softball aptly named The Dugout is celebrating their grand opening with an Open House on Saturday December 7. Unlike typical ribbon cuttings in this city, we’re told that the honor of holding the scissors will go to whichever member of Council can turn on an 80 mph fastball and drive it into the gap (the betting line has opened with Sarah Bagley as a 3-2 favorite).

• Tickets are on sale for the Center for Alexandria’s Children gala in February, an extremely fun event that has featured a local rock show format the past couple of years. Last year commonwealth’s attorney Bryan Porter shredded on guitar. This year, who knows—councilman Kirk McPike on accordion? School board member Ryan Reyna on tambourine?? Only way to know is to get a ticket and show up to support a good cause.

• This is turning out to be an events heavy edition of “Things You May Have Missed” but we might as well wrap up with a reminder that on December 15 we’re sending off Justin with some well-earned thanks and some justly-deserved jokes, while raising money for a couple of great local charities (one of which readers of this very newsletter have previously supported). Get your tickets or be forever left wondering what the mayor shouting into a microphone while holding back tears sounds like [Editor’s note: it still sounds like shouting].

Local Discourse Power Rankings

1. Holidaze (Last week: NR). It’s the most wonderful time of the year here in Alexandria as we get ready to parade into the holidays with, uh, a bunch of parades [Editor’s note: I will throw a tomato at your corny ass]. First up this weekend, the Scottish Christmas Walk! As we wrote last year, nowhere else will you find such a festive mix of kilts, bagpipes, dogs, and Hoda Kotb’s high school classmates. And if one parade isn’t enough for your Saturday, there’s also a parade on the water that night! This traditional event is meant to remind us of the time Jesus walked on water [Editor’s note: not the reason] with the crowded lineup of decorated boats recalling the full inns of Bethlehem [Editor’s note: not even close]. And if parades of Scotsmen and boats aren’t enough for you, the following weekend there’s a DIY parade of shitfaced revelers responsible drinkers at the Del Ray Candy Cane Crawl! The Old Town tree was lit in November for blasphemous reasons we don’t entirely understand, but luckily there is still a properly December-scheduled tree and menorah lighting upcoming in Del Ray. This marks the 3rd consecutive year of the Del Ray tree answering the question “can a tree be shaped like a sumo wrestler and still be a tree” and we are extremely proud to see our gorgeously thicc conifer rounding out Pat Miller Square once again.

2. You Idiots Are Doing This Road Wrong (Last week: 5). You know everyone in this city needs the holiday break to get here ASA-fucking-P when the moderators of the “I Love Alexandria” Facebook group have to shut down multiple posts about the aesthetics of jersey barriers because the comments have gotten so acrimonious. Yes, the barriers blocking off the newly pedestrianized 200 block of King Street are ugly. Fugly, even! But it’s a six-week pilot project, what did you want the city to put there? A row of fine statuary? A moat?? And while neon yellow may not be the most pleasing shade of concrete paint, let’s not forget that drivers have an unfortunate habit of playing chicken with Old Town buildings and losing, so visibility to cars is kind of an important element here. The point is, everyone needs to chill about the fucking barricade. Old Town is not ruined and neither is Christmas. The only thing that can ruin Old Town and Christmas is Santa getting trampled by an angry horde of corgis during the Scottish Walk tomorrow. And anyway, look on the bright side: once we have the opportunity to replace these temporary barriers with something nicer, at least we have an Old Town business association who can help with that oh wait.

3. Virginia Is For Groypers (Last week: NR). Last week Governor Youngkin released a video encouraging Trump staffers to move to Virginia that featured footage of Alexandria. Glenn, buddy… we have some notes. Your video starts off strong by promoting our “quality of life” and “safe communities,” a pitch that will surely appeal to all the future BIBA members preparing to join the new administration. But then it cuts to shots of the King Street Trolley and pedestrian zone (sans hideous concrete barriers), which seems like a critical misstep, public transportation and urban density being two things that conservatives famously love. Listen, if you really want Republicans to move to Alexandria what you need to do is tell them about our six conveniently located McDonald's franchises, our love of bulldozing innocent trees, and our collective hard-on for white men who died 200 years ago. That’s the catnip that’ll get them loading up their U-Hauls and hightailing it across the Potomac.

4. Unnecessarily Aggressive Weather Phenomena (Last week: 3). One of Mayor Wilson’s recurring bits over the years has been his ability to control the weather for signature Alexandria events, in particular his guarantees of rain-free Turkey Trots. With one last shot to work his magic he managed a partially passing grade, as it was not technically raining when the starting gun fired. No, the rain waited about 7 more minutes and then started pelting the (largest ever registered!) race field with cold, friction-producing precipitation. So much chafing… so much squelching. We’re on the record here at ALXtra about the baseline insanity of this race being 5 miles(!!) to begin with, so adding a couple pounds of water to your clothes on top of that lengthy slog was not exactly the energizing start to a Thanksgiving day that we signed up for. One nice thing! That’s all we wanted for the end of the longest November in recorded human existence, but no, the weather had to go and be ruder than your uncle talking about how the woke mob cancelled Ponderosa Steakhouse or whatever.

5. Universal Basic Ineptitude (Last week: NR). An ALXnow headline proclaimed yesterday that participants in the ARISE guaranteed basic income pilot program are “still broke” despite the $500 a month they receive from the city. The body of the article described the meaningful improvements the program has made to the participants’ material conditions and mental well-being, but yeah sure let’s use their continued struggles to afford life in our increasingly expensive community as an excuse to describe them like characters in “No Scrubs” by TLC. Getting their monthly stipend has allowed participants to afford goddamn food but on the other hand isn’t it fun to make it sound like they’re sitting on their asses always talking about what they want, which under Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas’s definition classifies them as a busta? Truly, it’s too bad that providing the equivalent of working 10 hours a week at minimum wage didn’t singlehandedly solve poverty but on the bright side we did get to make it sound like using public funds to help people is a total waste. We’re just gonna put it out there: if this is your attitude toward helping our neighbors reduce their economic instability then no, we don’t want to meet you nowhere; no, we don’t want none of your time.

Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… Christmas Tree Lots

In addition to the parades and other forms of holiday merriment mentioned above, it’s also that time of year where many of us in the city get all particular and territorial about the best place to pick out a Christmas tree. And listen, we get it! It’s a high stakes decision—you’re bringing a highly flammable object into your home for the next 3-4 weeks and entrusting it to cradle and protect several decades’ worth of delicate breakable irreplaceable memories and heirlooms. What a great tradition, everything about it makes sense!

Given all that, it stands to reason that people have a strong preference for one tree lot over another, and they will go to great lengths to explain and justify to you why their lot is the right place to get a tree. So we thought we’d run down some of the local tree lots to ensure that you, dear reader, are ready for the month ahead.

The classic Alexandria tree lot is of course the police lot in the train station parking lot. The money goes to a good cause, their barrel fire game is flawless, their prices are reasonable, and no other tree lot can lay claim to a periodic train whistle adding to the vibe. We’ve gotten many a tree from here in the past, but in recent years they’ve brought in fewer Fraser firs (accept no substitutes) instead featuring more of those spruces that stab the shit out of you. Rating: 7/10.

If you decide to skip the spruce and go with the Christmas squad car instead, a nice feature is that it comes pre-lit.

If it’s tree variety and quality you want, it’s hard to do better than the lot at Greenstreet Gardens. And if you want to take out a second mortgage on your house to afford a tree, it’s hard to do better than the lot at Greenstreet Gardens. After buying a tree here you’re going to want JD Vance’s motorcade to escort you home to protect the investment you just made. Decorate it? Don’t even think about touching this tree—you need to pamper it and keep it alive for the next three Christmases or you wasted your kids’ college fund for nothing. Rating: 6/10.

The St. Mary’s Christmas tree trot has a lot to recommend it: good trees, good vibes (they have inflatables!), and prices reasonably aligned with tree quality. If you go on the right day and Old Town is showing its holiday best, it’s pretty hard to top the overall experience. Plus you’re basically buying Jesus’s trees [Editor’s note: nope, not how this works] which makes it feel a little extra special given it is his birthday we’re celebrating and all. Rating: 8/10.

The newcomer on the scene this year is Del Ray Hardware, which is running a tree lot behind HiFi and Thai Peppers. Their trees are really nice and their prices are great—under $100 for a good-sized tree. An added bonus for those of us that live in Del Ray is the convenience of being able to pull your tree a few blocks home on a wagon, which beats the absolute brakes off tying a tree to the roof of your car. Who knew what we’d been missing all these years! We did however note the differences between the Del Ray Hardware trees (slim, conically shaped) and the official Del Ray tree (beefy, almost completely round, looks like it ate all the other trees) and conclude that it did not come from that lot. Merry Chonkmas, indeed. Rating: 9/10.

The official Del Ray tree, pictured after a lengthy course of Ozempic.

And for the most Instagram conscious among us, you can always skip the local lots entirely and head out to a cut-your-own farm. There’s certainly some upside to this (hot cider, getting to carry around an old metal bow saw, feeling like you’re part of the liner notes of a Taylor Swift album) but some fairly consequential downsides as well (living things tend to still be living in still-living trees). Jesse was put off from cut-your-own trees forever when the tree he cut from Butler’s Orchard 7 or 8 years ago released several hundred baby praying mantises into his condo on December 29th. He looked over and saw the tree moving and wiggling, thought that meant it was tipping over, but nope—just covered in a legion of recently-hatched small eldritch horrors! Anyway, that condo had to be cleansed with fire and that, friends, is why picking the right place to get your tree is a serious business. Rating: 0/600 (baby praying mantises).

Happy tree hunting!

Overheard in ALX

From the final Council Connection:

“In 2007, a few days after I announced my first candidacy for City Council, I used a train trip to create a file full of ideas that I wanted to bring to reality if I was fortunate enough to be elected to serve.”

First of all, of course it was a train. The only way this could have been more on-brand was if he texted the list to himself while running 5 miles to the train in a polo shirt and khakis. But also… we want to see this original list of ideas! Until he produces evidence proving otherwise, we can only assume the list said:

1. Cut ribbon at Yates Pizza Palace grand opening (coming soon!)

2. ???

3. Buy the coolest possible official vehicle for the city (like a tunneling machine, maybe)

4. More pizza places

One Awesome Thing in ALX

Here in Alexandria we love a good sports story. From Remember the Titans to Olympic gold to whatever the hell Jesse’s doing on the pickleball court, nothing fills our hearts with joy more than watching local athletes giving it their all. So needless to say, we were very excited to hear the announcement that ACPS is now offering a middle school athletics program for the first time in the system’s history. This year kids are able to sign up for basketball, swimming & diving, scholastic bowl, and track & field, with more offerings rolled out over the next two school years. The first one to get underway this fall was girls basketball; the season concluded this week with a championship game between George Washington Middle School and Jefferson-Houston PreK-8, with GWMS emerging victorious.

What a bunch of absolute legends.

Access to athletics is crucial for middle school kids because it gives them a chance to learn important life skills like working as part of a team, staying resilient in the face of challenges, learning how to high-five without missing, and cheering for someone who just face-planted while running for a layup. We’re so glad to see this opportunity extended to our public schools because all kids deserve to take part in it—not just the ones who can afford to pay in private athletic leagues. This is a big step forward by ACPS and our whole community, and we’re thrilled to be on the sidelines cheering.

You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.

ALXtra is a free-to-read newsletter about current events in Alexandria, Virginia. Subscribe to get it delivered directly to your inbox. Paid subscriptions give you access to the comments. Revenue from subscriptions gets used in the following ways: 1) a third goes into a charity fund, and every time that fund hits $500 we’ll make a donation to a local charity in the name of ALXtra’s readers and we’ll feature and write about that organization; 2) another third of the money will go toward investments in the newsletter; and 3) the final third of the money goes toward self-care for your two intrepid authors.