Suffrage Fools Gladly
Great news, everyone! It’s a year that ends in a number, which means we here in the Commonwealth of Virginia get to exercise our god- and James Madison-given right to vote. Voting—an every four or two years at best exercise in most decent parts of this country—turns out to be an annual goddamn affair here in the Port City. In fact, much like Halloween candy hitting grocery stores shortly after Fourth of July, early voting has somehow already started.
This is not a local year at the ballot box (though you can feel that energy gathering like a storm in the distance - low growls of thunder and the stutter of faraway lightning, the words “density” and “transparency” and “integrity” carried on the harbinger gusts of cold breeze), but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a consequential election for us all the same. While it’s true that we have our own state delegate and state senate races to turn out for, the incumbents for those seats are either running unopposed or have drawn largely token opposition. Redistricting has made things slightly more interesting than usual in that we’ve got a new face in the mix—Del. Alfonso Lopez now has a chunk of Alexandria precincts and joins Dels. EBP and Herring along with Sen. Ebbin in making up our delegation to Richmond—but it’s largely expected that our heavily progressive and Democratic precincts are going to do their thing and send strong progressives to the General Assembly (the first and oldest continuous law-making body in the western hemisphere, baby!) to help advance an inclusive agenda to move the commonwealth forward.
But that doesn’t mean this isn’t a crucial election cycle! Gov. Glenn Youngkin (R-Fox News Green Room) has an agenda that’s only possible if he controls 1) the House of Delegates, 2) the State Senate, and 3) a proximity alarm that helps him duck under doorframes. He’s skilled at fooling people into thinking he’s cuddly and non-threatening because he looks like the result of a McKinsey consultant having a one-night stand with a Patagonia catalog, but there’s no doubt that large amounts of shitassery will be unleashed upon us residents of the commonwealth if he gains a trifecta. You know how most southern states have been passing laws that are like “child labor? More like child’s play-bor!!!” Well, that’s what we can expect from a fully armed and operational Youngkin machine. Also, tons and tons of lady parts bullshit. And you just know these guys are dying to join their philistine friends throughout the old confederacy in banning books that made them feel actual human emotions against their will.
So yeah, this election matters for Alexandria! It matters a whole lot! It especially matters more these past few weeks since we’ve learned that winning a Democratic majority in the House of Delegates may hinge on candidates having to play never-have-I-ever fucked my husband on camera for money (oh, you’re chugging your drink? okay, uh, wow, this was just supposed to be a prompt that got a laugh from the group, but you know, good for you, that’s cool, we guess). Controlling the legislature matters so much that the ADC (the Alexandria Democratic Committee, if you’re feeling nasty), despite a relatively sleepy cycle here at home, has forcefully stepped up efforts to get Alexandrians engaged, committed, and air-dropped into races that matter across the commonwealth for door-knocking, phone banking, fundraising, stress-crying, and otherwise doing their damnedest to make a meaningful difference.
And make a difference they should - because we are, in fact (as you might have noted us obnoxiously and repeatedly mentioning), a commonwealth. Yeah yeah whatever, that’s just a word for “state” that’s putting on airs, you say - and sure, maybe. But we think there’s actually weight and purpose to this designation that is found wanting in our 46 other brethren that identify otherwise (shoutout Massachusetts, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania - you’re the real ones). Even as Alexandria grapples with our own issues close to home, we still share a common obligation toward the thriving of Wise and Danville and Roanoke and Petersburg, as do they in ours.
Virginia is a tremendous place, filled to overflowing with near limitless varieties of opportunity and possibility no matter what it is that drives and fulfills you. We can say with an entirely straight face that we think there is no better place in the twilight republic of these United States to live and make a life than Virginia. But this common greatness is maintained and passed forward only through a shared and purposeful striving for this place, through a dedicated commitment to ensuring that each of us—even the least among us—has a stake in, and a piece of, that enrichment. We’re a commonwealth, goddammit, so as we vote this November let’s all try our hardest to fucking act like it.
Things You May Have Missed Because You Have a Life
Patton Oswalt was at the Birchmere last week! We used his pic in the newsletter last week! This is important, this means something.
The Stabler-Leadbeater Apothecary will poison you for Halloween, or something along those lines (we’re not going to lie, we were kind of too unnerved to actually fully read the details?)
Port City’s Oktoberfest just won a gold medal at the Great American Beer Festival, so there’s our weekend drinking plans sorted.
More people are living alone in Alexandria, probably because we’re tired of listening to each other talk about zoning.
Local Discourse Power Rankings
Tropical Storm Ophelia (Last week: NR). One day years from now, you’ll be sitting in a rocking chair by the fire resting your weary bones, and a young child will ask you, “Respected Elder, do you remember where you were the weekend that Mighty Ophelia struck Alexandria?” And you’ll tell that child that you remember it well, for the devastation was so severe- all that light-to-medium rain, those sporadic breezes. “Were you in any danger, Elder?” No, child, you’ll say, our leaders made sure to keep us safe and sound; they canceled the activities that would have been hazardous for us to do in bad weather. “Which activities? Just the outdoor ones, right?” No, you’ll say, staring blankly into the fire, the indoor activities too. “But why? Aren’t those exactly the activities people should do when it’s raining?” You won’t answer. You’ll gaze into the fire. Nothing will make sense to you anymore, to the extent that it ever did.
BAR Rescue (Last week: 2). Our cri de coeur #NotOneMoreBrick echoed through the chambers of City Hall on Saturday when Council spent 37 entire minutes discussing the ethics of daubing a brick wall with paint before begging permission from the defenders of aesthetic righteousness. No philosophical debate has popped off this hard since Chomsky-Foucault 1971. Why was this act forbidden? Did it matter that the bricks in question were 1967 bricks and not 18th century bricks? Does a brick, regardless of age, lose its character once painted? What is the character of a brick? The clerk had to pause halfway through and yell at the audience to go outside when everyone started chain-smoking Gauloises. At the end of the day, Council decided to forgive the salon when it came to light that the bricks they painted over were beige, and beige objectively sucks. Please join us in saluting the BAR for ensuring that so much of our public servants’ valuable time was spent on this matter.
Zoning Reform (Last week: 5). This issue is quickly becoming the Taylor Swift of local discourse in that it’s inescapable, dominates all other topics, and causes people to lose their minds. We heard a rumor, actually, that Zoning Reform might start dating Travis Kelce. Staff and electeds are further feeding the frenzy by offering an increasing number of opportunities to
screamenthusiastically share your opinion at them about it, including two this past week. The best comment was offered by a toddler, which seems emblematic of how this is all going so far (and there’s another meeting tonight).
The West End (Last week: NR). Hey, we’re heading over to the WestEnd in the west end of the West End. You guys need anything?
You Idiots Are Doing This Road Wrong (Last week: 2). The King-Callahan-Russell intersection improvement project starts next week. If you haven’t heard, this is the Schrödinger’s cat of road redesigns, as it’s simultaneously both a massive traffic-causing operation that will ruin the intersection forever AND a tax dollar-wasting exercise in repainting bike lane stripes that will accomplish nothing. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait until next spring to find out whether
the cat is alive or deadwe can get to Wegmans in less than thirty five minutes.
Alexandria’s Hottest Club Is… the DASH bus
Did you guys know that DASH bus is free? We mean of course you guys, the erudite and informed readership of this fine newsletter, know DASH bus is free, but do the rest of you guys in neighborhoods across the city know that DASH bus is free?
Word must be starting to get around about our new hop-on hop-off public transit because last year DASH broke its all-time ridership record, logging more than 4.5 million boardings for the first time in the system’s 40-year history. That’s a lot of goddamn rides! We haven’t seen this level of enthusiasm about a bus coming since the Vengaboys. This increase was spread across all routes in the city, with particularly notable upticks in weekend rides as well as students choosing to use DASH as their preferred way to get to school. Equally exciting as the growth in riders was the recent announcement that DASH was awarded $24 million from the Federal Transit Administration to fund the purchase of over a dozen 100% electric buses, adding to the all-electric portion of the DASH fleet already in operation.
Taking DASH free has been one of the more consequential policy decisions by the city in recent years, and we’re only just starting to see and realize the benefits of it. On its own merits it’s great - it’s a tangible way that we’ve made our city more accessible, physically and financially. But it’s also an example of how lucky we are to live in a place that tries things. This wasn’t guaranteed to work out, and there’s still work to be done to ensure that it remains sustainable long-term. But our city leaders had an idea of a way to materially improve the lives of the people that live here, and they tried it. And now you can just jump on the bus whenever you see it rolling past. (Generally we recommend waiting until it stops rolling before you jump on, but you do you). Ride one block, ride ten blocks - ride all the way to work. The point is, just give it a try. Maybe those 4.5 million boardings are onto something.
The Alexandria Times Quote of the Week
“City offers free gun, medication lock boxes.”
A free gun, you say? Well there’s your problem right there.
We Get Letters
A pair of letters for your enjoyment this week, each great in their own way. We also got a letter complimenting us on our correct spelling and usage of a hard word, so suck it Westminster Elementary School’s Mrs. Markley.
First, Matthew writes:
Facebook reminded me of a 2019 moment: So thankful of the action that the Alexandria Planning Commission, the Mayor (Justin Wilson), the City Council (particularly John Chapman), and Parking and Transportation Board Commissioner (James Lewis) took regarding parking restrictions on South Jordan Street in Alexandria's West End (this is literally on both sides of Jordan Street in front of the Aldi). Everyday, industrial trucks would park in an area, which is zoned as a residential district. The trucks were so tall, that they would block intersections - and your peripheral vision. I actually think they saved a lot of lives–I'm dead serious–by making this part of Jordan street a no-parking zone. There were unnecessary car accidents there because of the industrial trucks stored on the street (I almost saw some people getting hurt).
Too often, I'm sure you hear complaints - but there are a lot of good stories about our public officials and city government.
It’s this last point that we think is particularly important. A lot of responsive, thoughtful, and impactful constituent response activity–from both staff and electeds–is small-ball stuff that flies way below the public radar, but is profoundly important to the people who benefit from the attentiveness. It’s worth trying to point that stuff out and feel good about it.
Next, from friendly local public health staffer Natalie:
Hi Becky and Jesse!
George Washington would be horrified to know how many people (SO. MANY.) in Alexandria are getting syphilis. And chlamydia, and gonorrhea. Alexandria is leading the way for those infections in NoVa, and not in a good way.
AlexANDRIA! You horned up maniacs! Is this the reason we need so much more housing?? And also, apparently, condoms??? In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, we’re not even mad, that’s amazing.
One Awesome Thing in ALX
Last week the city marked six months since the kickoff of our basic income pilot program, Alexandria’s Recurring Income for Success and Equity (ARISE) project (gotdamn we love a good government program acronym, move over SANTOS Act). For those not familiar, ARISE was created using some of the money Alexandria received from the American Rescue Plan, and the project will support 170 participants over two years with a $500 monthly payment. Program participants will be evaluated about the impact of that $500 on their lives and their wellbeing, with the goal of better understanding the effect of an unconditional cash transfer in our specific market circumstances in order to (hopefully and ideally) inform future initiatives.
Up in the section about DASH, we already discussed how pleasant it is to see leaders that are willing to try things, and that sentiment absolutely applies again here. Universal basic income has been policy wonk catnip for decades, going back to ur-wonk Milton Friedman and on up through recent books from journalist Annie Lowrey and labor leader Andy Stern, to say nothing of countless academic papers and examinations of applications of the policy in foreign countries along with large and small communities across America. One of the things that makes this particular idea cool is that it doesn’t neatly map onto any particular political identity (hell, the Alaska Permanent Fund is a basic income, try telling someone in Sitka they’re getting commie handout cash and see how that goes) nor is it animated toward a singular purpose or outcome.
And as fun as it is to just engage with this program on wonk grounds and smart local policy competitiveness (eat shit, Takoma Park! We’ve got a UBI and you’ve just got no nuclear weapons or whatever! Actually… for real though… is that their thing? Is that how it works? Takoma Park is unreasonably proud about not having a Minuteman missile? Were they, like, on the list to get one at some point? And they declined? We find that whole thing very confusing) the truth is that a real difference is being made here in real people’s lives. Look at the testimonials on that slide, and take a moment to view the entire presentation here. You did that. We did that. We elected people who had the courage and creativity to work with experts and fund a program that is making a couple hundred of our neighbors’ lives inarguably better. This is what we mean when we talk about being a commonwealth - and we hope to see much, much more of it.
You can follow Becky @beckyhammer.bsky.social and Jesse @oconnell.bsky.social on Bluesky, or you can e-mail us anytime at alxtranewsletter@gmail.com.